tree of life

i watched it last night...

it was incredible.

of course, it took awhile for me to get over that it was not a linear storyline.  even though i knew going into the movie that it was different than most (perhaps, a rather large understatement there), we are so programmed to expect sensible and straight progressions that it was hard for me to relinquish the desire to understand everything that was going on. i can be such a control freak, sometimes. but once i let go, my mind was blown. it was as if i transcended my small room and entered into a place so wonderfully constructed with all of its sights (oh! the cinematography!) and sounds (and the music!) beautifully combining to create, as it would seem, a whole new world. or, rather, a whole new perspective of our world. our earth. (combine this with a recent rereading of Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card and all your thoughts are bound to center on earth and the humanity it holds...)

i wish i had let go sooner and allowed myself the ability to just experience the artistry on the screen.

because it was beautiful. in every sense of the word.

i was deeply touched, although i was not exactly sure why. if you asked me to describe my feelings, i am not sure i could verbalize them. i found myself crying at the end scene but i couldn't give a reason for my tears. and when the credits began to roll, i let out a long and deep exhale; i had not even realized i had been holding my breath. i felt an emphatic empathy towards the film's questions, summed up in the wrenching plea of God, where are you? and although the questions were not direct answered i felt a strange sense of relief and release.

perhaps, in all of the film's complexities, the overtly spiritual themes met my tired and lonely heart where it was most needed: discovering, again, the simplistic beauties found in humanity. discovering, again, humanity as God's creation.

i started writing in hopes of processing my thoughts, my feelings. it was the first time i had done this in a while and it was cathartic in some sense. words flew out my mind onto the paper and i began breaking lines as if to write a poem. i wont' share it with you because it was, really, just scribble, but i will say that i kept writing, over and over, take me with you... to discover wonders anew... take me with you to the King in the sky as if begging Malick to take me to a place where even 1950s-Waco is beautiful. Where life's mundane, in its insignificance, finds significance because, quite simply, we are created beings. Where redemption and hope ring true. Where Grace lives free and God lives.

i think i need to go watch it again...

you know you're from the northeast when...

the thought of a large, post-workout cup of dunkin donuts coffee is truly the only reason you get up to go to spin class.

the conversion is happening, folks.

falling for fall

i love music.

that's a bit of an understatement, actually, but whatever. i am quite a fan. i love the its ability to  entrance and emote, to move and soothe, to dictate and define. i love how certain seasons in my life are marked by different songs, or how certain songs are marked by different seasons. i find music's innate ability to grow itself and its listeners quite fascinating and i hope to one day explore its impact on my life.

i have a tendency to get 'stuck' on certain songs, listening to them over and over, allowing them to seep through, or sometimes even evoke, whatever thoughts and emotions i am experiencing at a given moment. usually, a song will last throughout certain seasons and i am finding that particular pattern very telling. consequently, i am trying to note it as an act of introspective self-discipline. what songs am i listening to right now? during this season of my life? why? most of the times, it's just 'cause they're just really good songs. but sometimes there are reasons behind my subconscious choice.

anywho. all that to say. i made a playlist. 23 songs i have been listening to this fall. if you ask me, i think they're pretty great. but you can check them out yourself.  i will let you judge.

because i don't know the best way to playlist share... here are two ways to get the files (i really hope i don't get in trouble for this...):

here is it on spotify: falling for fall
here it is on mediafire: http://www.mediafire.com/?rmgihq7xnqvxg

(mediafire screwed up the order... which i so carefully put together. seriously, i listened to it over and over until i got it right. so here it is for your casual perusal):

2 atoms in a molecule ... noah and the whale
love is all ... tallest man on earth
hysteric ... yeah yeah yeahs
blood ... the middle east
wash. ... bon iver
someday ... the strokes
sprawl II ... arcade fire
helplessness blues ... fleet foxes
too young to burn ... sonny & the sunsets
i will remain ... matthew and the atlas
marathon ... tennis
american nomad ... apache relay
sleepyhead .. passion pit
lost in my mind ... the head and the heart
lovers without love ... joshua james
dandelion wine ... gregory alan isakov
who are we fooling ... brooke fraser (ft. aqualung)
your hands ... j.j. heller
shroud ... nathaniel rateliff
king of spain ... tallest man on earth
starlight ... muse
i'm gonna be (500 miles) ... blake stratton
paradise ... coldplay

things to love

i love how special chai lattes have become. (a positive perspective of having no starbucks around)

i love that the leaves are still a beautiful shade of mustard yellow

i love wearing sweaters, tights, and boots.

i love the my momma came and visited.

and i am loving the new coldplay album...

                                                                                                       (particularly this song)