tree of life

i watched it last night...

it was incredible.

of course, it took awhile for me to get over that it was not a linear storyline.  even though i knew going into the movie that it was different than most (perhaps, a rather large understatement there), we are so programmed to expect sensible and straight progressions that it was hard for me to relinquish the desire to understand everything that was going on. i can be such a control freak, sometimes. but once i let go, my mind was blown. it was as if i transcended my small room and entered into a place so wonderfully constructed with all of its sights (oh! the cinematography!) and sounds (and the music!) beautifully combining to create, as it would seem, a whole new world. or, rather, a whole new perspective of our world. our earth. (combine this with a recent rereading of Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card and all your thoughts are bound to center on earth and the humanity it holds...)

i wish i had let go sooner and allowed myself the ability to just experience the artistry on the screen.

because it was beautiful. in every sense of the word.

i was deeply touched, although i was not exactly sure why. if you asked me to describe my feelings, i am not sure i could verbalize them. i found myself crying at the end scene but i couldn't give a reason for my tears. and when the credits began to roll, i let out a long and deep exhale; i had not even realized i had been holding my breath. i felt an emphatic empathy towards the film's questions, summed up in the wrenching plea of God, where are you? and although the questions were not direct answered i felt a strange sense of relief and release.

perhaps, in all of the film's complexities, the overtly spiritual themes met my tired and lonely heart where it was most needed: discovering, again, the simplistic beauties found in humanity. discovering, again, humanity as God's creation.

i started writing in hopes of processing my thoughts, my feelings. it was the first time i had done this in a while and it was cathartic in some sense. words flew out my mind onto the paper and i began breaking lines as if to write a poem. i wont' share it with you because it was, really, just scribble, but i will say that i kept writing, over and over, take me with you... to discover wonders anew... take me with you to the King in the sky as if begging Malick to take me to a place where even 1950s-Waco is beautiful. Where life's mundane, in its insignificance, finds significance because, quite simply, we are created beings. Where redemption and hope ring true. Where Grace lives free and God lives.

i think i need to go watch it again...